International Love

I’ve wanted to write a blog about dating and travel or dating in Uruguay for a while now, but I’ve hesitated because there is so much out there already on dating and I didn’t want it to be read as bitter. Lately though,  I’ve had some relevant conversations with friends and I’ve even had some interesting articles on love and dating abroad sent my way, making me feel like I can’t ignore this nagging feeling any longer. The timing seems right, so I’ve decided to finally scratch this itch of an idea and just in time for Valentines!

Valentines last year at the beach with a friend.

Two things have especially stuck out to me, from chatting with friends, reading online articles, and my own personal experience, regarding modern relationships and dating. The first, is that the current state of dating or the experience of it is more similar than different from Canada to Uruguay to the UK.  I was home for the holidays, as were other friends, and as we swapped tales from Tinder to texting, the scene was the same. We were living all over the world, but trying to meet people and date in the same way. We were all on Tinder, doing more messaging than meeting, having people suddenly abandon communication, chatting to people we never plan on meeting or wondering why that funny cute texter won’t invite us out for a drink. I can’t say that we were all looking for the same thing, but I can say that we were all playing the same game and the rules didn't seem too different from one continent to another. Globalization strikes again, and this time it has taken the romance and human connection out of looking for love. 

How can it possibly be, with the variations in language and culture, never mind people and personalities, that we are trying to date in a one size fits all kind of way?

Castles in the sky, hearts in the sand.

 The second thing that struck me, is that most people sound like they have gone into auto-pilot when they talk about dating now. Like they are going through the motions, but with few expectations and without being very invested in the outcome - all the wrong ingredients for romance if you ask me. Today, people’s heads are buried in their phones, with five different dating apps, judging pictures and over analyzing messages, plotting when and what to write back, but nobody seems to be happy or satisfied. I think people are actually craving authentic connections more than ever, but modern apps and dating are getting in the way!  

How did we let this happen? We are hiding behind our phones and treating people like they aren’t people at all. We are becoming the very person we don’t want to date, acting in ways we never would in person and treating people like they are only their photo. (Check out this article, The Rise of Dishonest Dating Culture, for more on this). I have the suspicion that most of us have just somehow succumb to using dating apps and sending messages, because it’s what everyone else is doing. Maybe we don’t know how else to meet people? Or maybe we feel like if we don't do it, we'll be missing out on something? (FoMO) I’m not sure, but I am sure that tindering and texting is hindering more than helping. 

The average Tinder user puts in 90 minutes a day, 10.5 hours a week – it is nearly a part time job! I am calling a Tinder Time Out! (TTO my friends!) Let’s look up more, let’s swipe less, let’s be present and perhaps by being more genuine with one another we can bring the excitement and possibility back into dating. Lets actually get to know new people when we meet them. And most importantly let’s have fun and get real…before Amazon sells us a button that brings a date to our door! 

Need some inspiration? Here's a fun article on living it up in Barcelona and enjoying dating, 12 Things Moving to Barcelona Taught me About Sex. 

Don't forget to share and comment, I want to know what you think or better yet, how you feel!?

Happy Valentines to all! 

Wishing you all kinds of love/amour/amor in your day!

Looking for love, 'hello, it's me...'